Early years
There are many questions about my mother’s early years that may never be answered, and there are few photos or documents associated with her. What is known is that she was born on December 5, 1913 in Manhattan to Irish immigrants Hugh McCleary and Mary Anne Harte.
Her family moved frequently, sometimes only a few blocks away. There is no record of her father, Hugh, after the 1920 census. In the next year, in March 1923, her four-year-old brother Joseph was killed by a commercial truck in the street outside his apartment building.
Mary’s mother suffered the deaths of five of her seven children and the death of her husband by the time she was only 42 years old, the emotional effect on on her must have been devastating.
Mary McCleary, 14, with her mother Mary Ann circa 1927 in Union Vale, Dutchess County, NY. Mary Ann returned to Ireland for seven years to care for her ill parents. Her daughter, Mary, never spoke of this long absence.
In 1924, at 10 years old, Mary was enrolled as a boarding student in the Ursuline Academy in Middletown, New York, almost 100 miles from Manhattan. She remained a boarding student there until 1932, spending summers and school vacations with her mother and Aunt Alice in Union Vale, Dutchess County, New York. Alice lived with her husband Patrick Quinlan on his farm there. It must have been overwhelming for a young girl in those early years to experience such tragic events, and then be asked to start a new life at a distant school without family or friends nearby. Her mother returned to Ireland in 1930 when Mary was 17, remaining there until 1936. My mother never spoke of this time in her life.
Mary McCleary with her Aunt Alice (circa 1940) with four of the Gackstatter siblings that came to live on the farm in 1932 in Union Vale, Dutchess County, N.Y.
Mary’s mother certainly was in no financial position to afford the expenses of tuition, room, and board at such a school as the Ursuline Academy. It is likely that her admission and subsequent expenses of attending were sponsored by the sibling sisters Pauline Corwin Hartford and Louise Corwin McKelvy. The Corwin sisters were members of a prominent Middletown family. Mary’s Aunt Alice served for over 10 years as Family Nurse to Louise Corwin McKelvy’s two children at their home in Easton, Pennsylvania. Pauline Corwin Hartford lived with her sister’s family throughout this period. During those years, Alice became more like a family member than an employee. In tribute to their affection for Alice, perhaps the sisters Corwin became the benefactors of Alice’s niece, my mother Mary, throughout her years at the Ursuline Academy.
Faith in God
During her formative years, my mother developed a deep faith in God as a practicing Catholic, which she maintained throughout her life. No doubt the Ursuline sisters had a huge influence on her beliefs. She always had a rosary in hand at Mass on Sundays. Her special devotion was to the Infant of Prague, which offered a divine promise: “The more you honor Me, the more I will bless you.” This deep faith would be her anchor in the years to come.
Mary MCleary, age 22 with her dog, Pal, in Union Vale, Dutchess County, NY, 1935.
A Romance and a Wedding
In 1938, Mary began working at the Harlem Valley State Hospital in Wingdale, New York, driving herself to work each day in her Ford V-8 sedan. She was living with her mother and now widowed aunt on Alice’s farm. She loved the animals and belonging to an extended family, which included five foster children, all siblings, who had come to live with Alice from New York City in 1932.
During this time a new road, which she took daily to work, was under construction. Often, she would pause and speak to the young man who was an engineer on the project. Being a natural extrovert, she looked forward to the conversations and bantering with Tony Pasquariello. These interactions led to a romance, courtship, and marriage on November 21, 1940.
Young and in love: Peggy’s mother and father, Mary and Tony Pasquariello, circa 1940. Union Vale, Dutchess County, NY.
Life in the Navy
After a brief northern wedding trip, Tony reported for active duty as a commissioned officer in the United States Navy. He was assigned a position in Crane, Indiana and Mary moved for the first time out of state to join her husband. World War II had begun and this munitions base was a growing and important part of the war effort.
Mary McCleary married Anthony Pasquariello on November 21, 1940 in Sylvan Lake, New York. After the ceremony, 50 guests attended a wedding breakfast at Hotel Campbell. The sweet and simple prewar bride wore a white satin gown made princess style with a full length veil that attached to a coronet. She carried a bouquet of calla lilies.
While they were in Indiana, Mary and Tony started their family. They had two girls: Rose Marie, born June 5, 1941; and Alice Ann, born November 29, 1942. Again, lots of change and new demands were placed on my mother, including a new husband, a new home, a new state, and two children, born a mere eighteen months apart. Alice, her second daughter, was born with a congenital heart condition. At that time there had not been enough successful research to discover a solution. So, uncertainty again shadowed Mary’s life in those early married years.
Mother and Grandmother
After my father’s assignment was completed, they moved back to Connecticut and settled in Torrington. Two more children arrived again in quick succession: Anthony Andrew, born October 26, 1945; and Margaret (me), born August 19, 1947.
My mother’s world was now consumed with four children, as her husband established his own construction equipment company in Torrington. She was a homemaker of the 1950s, making her family her first priority and never working outside the home. She was loving, fun, caring, and optimistic. Never having the mothering that she needed as a child, she somehow intuitively knew how to love unconditionally. She loved parties and punctuated all our milestones (birthdays, graduations, showers, and weddings) with celebrations. My sisters, brother and I loved her deeply.
As her children grew up, married, and began their families, she welcomed each new grandchild into the world. She had 10 grandchildren: Margot and Kathryn Zaharek; Shawn and Heather Abetz; Lisa, Tony, and Amy Pasquariello; and Marc, Michael, and Elizabeth Holtman. These grandchildren adored her as well.
Tony, her husband, died at age 70 in 1981 and Mary lived another 24 years. Being a grandmother was her finest role and she relished every minute spent with her family. Mary died, surrounded by her loving children, in 2005 at age 91.
Lessons from my Mother
My mother endured many hardships and adversities throughout her life. She taught us how important it is to have faith and to believe that with God’s guidance, we will survive. This foundation of faith created a spirit of optimism. She was genuinely happy, and despite her fractured family life as a child, she created a family with much love and affection. She died surrounded by her loving family. Her motto “where there is a will, there is a way,” which she said often, tells us that we can choose to be happy despite life’s setbacks and that we are never alone when we believe that God is with us always.